* Mom2Mom: From Home to the Work Place . . and Back Again *

January 29, 2010 By Leave a Comment

While those of us that stay at home with our families, experience our own frustrations, from people assuming we do nothing all day long, to lecturing us for wasting our degrees, working moms have their own set of frustrations.  People often look down on them as being women who don’t truly care for their families and no one quite comprehends how difficult it is to go from job to home with loads of laundry waiting, cranky children, and supper needing to be made.

Several Mama Buzz women were willing to share their thoughts on being working moms and the juggling act it is.

When doing my email interview, the ages represented in the children ranged anywhere from unborn infants to college age kids. Each woman offered her own unique perspective to the questions I asked them.

Here are their individual interviews:


HH: expecting a baby, 9, and 11 years old: church/christian school secretary

Is working outside of your home something you want to do, or something you need to do? Or both.
Hmmmmmmm, I guess a little of both.  When my husband left his active duty Army career to go into the ministry, we knew his salary would be about 1/4 of what he previously earned.  I said I’d work to pay the mortgage so we could afford our house.   I wanted to help with the bills – but I never really wanted a career or to work full-time.
How do you work child care?
I did not work until my children were in school.  I work at their school so we have the same hours.
What are the positives to working outside the home?
the extra money, quite honestly.  Since I work in a ministry, it is good to be a part of “God’s work” and involved in helping others.
What are the negatives to working outside the home?
The house gets so neglected, there isn’t much time or energy left over for the family, I miss the freedom of making my own schedule that I had as a SAHM.
What really bugs you about people when they hear you work outside the home?
Well, since I do work in a ministry, I think it makes it easier for people to justify me working “outside the home”, also my kids aren’t in day care so that’s another positive.  I really don’t get much – if any – negative feedback because I work.  I do read things occasionally from a SAHM who homeschools and homesteads and is all crafty and does amazing “mom” things that I don’t have time to do - and I feel a little guilty and like a bad mom for working outside the home & neglecting my own home and family so much comparatively
Any additional thoughts or encouragement you want to give to other work-outside-the-home moms?
I just think everyone’s situation is unique.  Everyone’s husband has different ideas about the wife/mother working or not working.  In the end, I think everyone needs to pray about & decide for themselves what is “right” for their own families.  I think the judging of those who do the opposite of what we have chosen should not happen.  If a woman can balance it, the kids & husband shouldn’t feel neglected if the mom/wife works, and there will be plenty of opportunities to do special things or be together – just on a different level than when the mom stays home.


CS: 18months, 9 11, and 13:  cake decorator

Both – I want to work to get out of the home sometimes and have conversations with adults Plus with 5 kids the extra money comes in handy.

My husband works during the day threw the week and I work at 5pm til 10 pm during the week…. and when hes off on the weekend I work the day shift on the weekends…  That way no day care and We raise our children.  It is worth it to me to work part time opposite my husbands shift so we don’t have to put our children in day care.

The positive is that we are able to have 2 incomes to pay the bills with and our kids are raised by us with no day care.

The negatives are that I only have a couple days durning the week to spend with my husband and kids together.  On the days I work during the week I have dinner done for my family because I cook every night for them but those couple of nights I don’t get to eat with them as a family.

When mother who stay at home find out I work out side of the home they start in with how terrible you should not work while you have children its your job to take care of them and teach them what they need to learn.   When I tell them that I am doing this with out any day care and that family raises them it still seems its not good enough for them.  I have to work.  I have 5 kids but I still have the same wants for my children so I scarify to make sure they are not raised by day care.

Just that hang in there, what important is that you are working and you are still doing for your children the best you can.  Make sure the time your not working is spent with the kids as family time and just be with them and love every minute with them because they grow up so fas

Is working outside of your home something you want to do, or something you need to do? Or both. I guess both. I would like to be able to stay home maybe part time. I like getting out but .. I’d like to be able to choose and right now I need to work
4. How do you work child care? Right now my daughter goes to a day care facility about 15 mon away from work, but at the end of the month she will be going to a facility 1/2 mile away. I’m very excited to have her so close. My son goes home after school, since my husband is home.
5. What are the positives to working outside the home? Interacting with adults and getting away form the house. I enjoy the girls I work with (most of the time)
6. What are the negatives to working outside the home? I’d love to be able to atten more school functions and just being there for my children more.
7. What really bugs you about people when they hear you work outside the home? I don’t really have any concerns about this.
8  Any additional thoughts or encouragement you want to give to other work-outside-the-home moms? It can be done. You can do both. I still breast fed my babies and pumped at work three time a day. It’s not easy, but it can be done.

J: 8, 15, and 18; church secretary

I do not absolutely have to work, but my job does help with family finances.

4. I am blessed with flexible hours and I work around the school schedule.  I can also bring the children to work with me if needed.
5.  A positive for me is the opportunity to assist in the needful tasks of maintaining a church and interaction with others.
6.  A negative is that working can take the attention off home and family and create unneeded stress.
7.  I have always been a stay at home mom when the children were under school ages, so I have been blessed to have stayed at home and worked outside the home.   It bugs me when others feel superior because they are stay at home, but that doesn’t happen often.
8. I firmly believe that a woman’s God-given responsibility and career are her family and home.  These must be first in priority.  Make sure the home is cared for and family needs met before leaving for work (dinner planned, house tidy, etc.)  Try not to bring work stress home.  Work will be there the next day, family time is time spent making lifelong memories and imparting values.


D: 4 year old; secretary for recruiting firm

  1. Is working outside of your home something you want to do, or something you need to do? Or both.
For me, it’s both. I do enjoy the challenge, and I’m thankful for the opportunity my working at the office provided for me to help my husband finish dual Masters degrees, help with school bills, and provide for the needs of our household.
  1. How do you work child care?
At first, Grandma (who was then in town) helped out. For the last year and a half or so, my daughter has attended an excellent church-operated K-2 and now K-3 program. She absolutely loves going to school, as she sees it! Last year, she attended the K-2 program three full days per week, and this year she attends two full days plus three mornings per week.
  1. What are the positives to working outside the home?
Because my almost four-year-old is a very eager little learner (born with her eyes wide open and hasn’t stopped since!), I’m thankful that my having to work part-time has allowed my husband and me to give her a wonderful learning opportunity that fits her well. She has thrived in both the K-2 and K-3 programs, becoming fluent in English there. (Having grown up in South America and being on the way back there as full-time missionaries in God’s provision and timing, I taught my daughter Spanish first, assuming she would learn English from other children here in the USA.)
  1. What are the negatives to working outside the home?
Balancing multiple responsibilities is a constant challenge. Being “all there” (wherever it is I need to be) can also be a challenge at times (especially if we had a bad night or are on a different schedule, etc.) And keeping up with the demands of frugal housekeeping is constantly the biggest challenge.
  1. What really bugs you about people when they hear you work outside the home?
Well-meaning Christian people who come across as condescending toward those of us who are working outside the home, seeking not to advance on some career path but trying to serve husband and home by doing so, can be very frustrating! At those times, I have to turn to the Scriptures – and the Lord comforts me with the truths of the virtuous woman in Proverbs 31 as well as multiple New Testament passages that deal with being a keeper at home. (The latter is a great word study!)
  1. Any additional thoughts or encouragement you want to give to other work-outside-the-home moms?
A big key for those of us who work outside the home is heart-motivation: Am I working to serve myself? Or am I seeking to serve God, fulfilling His calling for me, by trying to serve my husband and family in the best way possible?

K: 4 and 6; Christian educator coordinator and call center operator

3. Is working outside of your home something you want to do, or something you need to do? Or both.  Both, the church job I love and I’m really compassionate about.  The catalog job is a necessity while my hubby earns his Master of Divinity

4. How do you work child care?  I take the kids with me to church and they play in the nursery while I get things done or are in meetings.  My hours at the retail call center are opposite my husbands class schedule, so he is home with the kids.

5. What are the positives to working outside the home? Adult interaction, using the bachelors degree that took me 10 years to pay off.

6. What are the negatives to working outside the home? Not being with the kids all the time and not helping in their classrooms like I would like to.

7. What really bugs you about people when they hear you work outside the home?  The condescending tone when people say, oh you work.

8  Any additional thoughts or encouragement you want to give to other work-outside-the-home moms?  You have to do what works best for your family.


E: 12 and 16: merchandiser

3. Is working outside of your home something you want to do, or something you need to do? Or both.

It’s really both.  I truly enjoy my job because it’s flexible and I basically work for myself. But, since my husband is disabled, my job is our primary income.
4. How do you work child care?
Thankfully, my husband is at home to watch the kids after school and since my hours are flexible I can often schedule my day so I’m home when they get home from school.  When they were younger and he was still working, they were in traditional daycare in a provider’s home.
5. What are the positives to working outside the home?
The money is the biggest draw.  I also like meeting and interacting with people during the day.  It’s very satisfying to see my skill base increase & more companies offer me jobs.
6. What are the negatives to working outside the home?
I have less time to devote to my two home based businesses which I really regret. I have less time to keep the house as neat as I’d like and to spend as much time as I want to cooking & working in the garden.  I envy women who have the house alone while their kids are at school.  I’d love to have a few hours that were just mine.
7. What really bugs you about people when they hear you work outside the home?
They assume that I don’t want to be home with my kids and that’s why I work. I managed to be home with the kids for about 18 months and I really enjoyed that time. Unfortunately with my husband’s accident, it just wasn’t meant to be for me to stay home with them.
8  Any additional thoughts or encouragement you want to give to other work-outside-the-home moms?

Don’t feel guilty about the choice you make.  People cannot understand your life until they live it and ultimately you need to make the best decision you can in your situation.

MP: 16, 18, 21; billing manager

Is working outside of your home something you want to do, or something you need to do?  Need – wish I could be a full-time homemaker!

4. How do you work child care?  Daughter is 16 and has after-school activities, drives home, hubby is home when she gets there.
5. What are the positives to working outside the home?  Less financial stress
6. What are the negatives to working outside the home?  Not enough time to do things I want/need around the house
7. What really bugs you about people when they hear you work outside the home?  Since my daughter is older, no one says anything about it now. When my kids were very young, there were very few homeschoolers in our area, so I really didn’t get a lot of negative comments about working outside the home.
8  Any additional thoughts or encouragement you want to give to other work-outside-the-home moms?  Honestly, I would tell them to stay home with their kids if at all possible (financially, etc).  Now that mine are older, I wish SO MUCH that I could have been a SAHM and spent those important years with them.  I know this is probably not what you’re looking for… ;) If they must work outside the home, I would encourage them to spend as much time with their kids as possible when they are at home – to let the housework wait! It will still be there when they are long gone… Get in the floor and play with them after work – it will help both the kids AND the mom!!

JJ: 7, 12, and 14; Christian school teacher and adjunct literature professor

Is working outside of your home something you want to do, or something you need to do? Or both.

It’s something I’ve chosen to do, and it benefits not only my children, but also the others I am able to teach. It’s a sacrifice, but I feel very strongly about Christian education. If this were just a paycheck, I doubt I would be here.

4. How do you work child care?
My children are students here, so it works out perfectly, plus it saves on gas.

5. What are the positives to working outside the home?
I’m able to work in exchange for tuition, which is a huge savings for our family. I’m also able to be actively involved with my kids each day.

6. What are the negatives to working outside the home?
We’re usually home long enough to mess up the house, but not long enough to clean it. My husband has been straightening things up on his day off, and has helped with the meals (grilling out, cooking breakfast for supper), which has helped immensely.

7. What really bugs you about people when they hear you work outside the home?
As a pastor’s wife, some people feel I should be available during the day to go visiting with my husband. But my children aren’t going to be at home forever, and there will be plenty of time for that. For now, having such an active part in my children’s lives is a sacrifice I choose to make in this walk of life.

8  Any additional thoughts or encouragement you want to give to other work-outside-the-home moms?
When trying to decide about an outside job, count the cost. Often the extra income you’re bringing home is depleted by eating out because you’re too tired to cook, buying new clothes for your job, etc. It’s no fun working all day and then having to work at home all night, so don’t be afraid to ask for help!

JU: 2, 6, 15, 16, 21; Associate Consultant

3. Is working outside of your home something you want to do, or something you need to do? Or both. Need to do due to lifestyle choices made in prior years.

4. How do you work child care? My oldest watches the youngest.

5. What are the positives to working outside the home? Positives include more income to support our lifestyle, opportunities for personal development and growth and an ability to challenge one’s self in a different level.

6. What are the negatives to working outside the home? Some negatives include not being able to focus 100% on my children, being stressed to take care of house/children as if I wasn’t working but am, ordinary stress that comes with a career in terms of performance and development objectives and less flexibility with time.

7. What really bugs you about people when they hear you work outside the home? They think that I have the ultimate life because I do have a good career, good title and a good income.  They don’t understand the personal struggles with juggling it all and still maintaining yourself.  There is very little time left over after all the demands of a career, a marriage and children.  Coupled with that, I’m an Army wife and deal with constant deployments whereas I operate as a single mom.

8  Any additional thoughts or encouragement you want to give to other work-outside-the-home moms? Try to balance the two and if you don’t need the financial support, opt to remain at home as it’s more rewarding and work part time if not at all.  You have to be able to create a schedule but you can’t be too rigid as you need flexibility for the children and life’s little moments.  Leave work at work at the end of the day and take time for your children and marriage.  You can have it all but you can’t do it all.  Ask for help.

You may be interested in the following books on this topic:
Working Mom's Survival Guide: Determine which Job is Right for You now, Negotiate a New Work Schedule, Manage day-to-day Responsibilities - at Work and ... Family, Find Balance and Enjoy Your New LifeWorking Mom’s Survival Guide: Determine which Job is Right for You now, Negotiate a New Work Schedule, Manage day-to-day Responsibilities – at Work and … Family, Find Balance and Enjoy Your New Life

Survival Tips for Working Moms: 297 Real Tips from Real MomsSurvival Tips for Working Moms: 297 Real Tips from Real Moms




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