When my five children were little, I had to organize their days. Each one had chores and schoolwork. They also needed order. They wanted the security and stability of knowing when they got to eat their meals, play outside, and what time they needed to go to bed.

In an effort to make their schedules fun and endearing, here is what I did:

I found a sweet picture of one child. This was scanned into my computer. I then made a pretty page, with a fancy title, a fun border, and placed the child’s picture, centered, on the top of the page. Next, I wrote down exactly what that child’s day would look like. I printed this out and tacked it to the wall, as if it were artwork!  I made one of these for each one of my children.

I recently found my youngest child’s schedule, from when he was around 7 years old. Here is what it said:

* Out of bed and dressed by 7:45 a.m. Make bed.
* Breakfast 8 a.m.
* 8:30 straight to schoolroom for school on weekdays, or Bible time on weekends.
* 10:00 Break for snack and outdoor play.
* 11:00 Morning Chores.
* 12:00 Lunch. Help with Clean up.
* 1:00 – 2:00 More School and studying, reading time.
* 2:00 Outside and Free time.
* 4:00 Help make supper.
* 4:30 Night Chores.
* 5:00 Free time or head over to the store for work. (We owned a country store.)
* 8:00 Bath and get ready for bed.
* 8:30 Story time and Bible Time.
* 9:00 Bedtime. Read for a little while.
* 10:00 Lights out. Go to sleep.

These schedules made life so much easier for all of us. No one was ever bored. No one wondered what time they could go outside or what time we served supper. It was all clearly planned out. Of course it was not a rigid schedule. The children knew that each item was general, and we would do our best to make sure everything was done. They loved their play time. They loved to hear stories. And they loved being able to say cute things like, “It’s time for night chores!!” It’s amazing how easily amused small children can be!

Now, as my children are older, we don’t have schedules like that anymore. I have 2 grown children and 3 teenagers. Life is more hectic. It is a tremendous struggle for me to keep a schedule. Yet, I love to look back on the days when they were all little, and I can see how we used to spend our days.

Blessings,
Mrs. White

Mrs. White is a wife and homemaker living in an old 1800’s Colonial house in Vermont.  She has five home-schooled children, ages 12, 15, 17, 21 and 22. She has been happily married for almost a quarter of a century. Visit her blog at  The Legacy of Home.

And then it started.

My simple request for my son to get dressed had sparked a full on break down. In five year old fashion, he dropped to the ground and dramatically started screaming and crying. He wasn’t done with his game he demanded, he wanted 5 more minutes. This on top of the 5 minutes I gave him 15 minutes ago.

This hasn’t become an uncommon response. Simple requests to start cleaning up, get dressed, and to listen, often result in him trying to assert his independence by refusing to do so, breaking down or just pretending he doesn’t hear me at all. I’m not sure if it is the unpredictability of hot summer days or the lack of structure, but my little boy who always listened and said please and thank you, had become a do what he wants when he wants, back talking five year old.

While I understand that he is trying to find his niche and assert his independence, simple requests from me should still be something he should obey. He should still listen. When he was 2, and his sister was born, he went through a phase of not listening, but after advice from my parents to give him time outs every time he didn’t listen, and most importantly, not to waver, all it took was a week to get him back into shape. This time my parents say the same applies, give him time outs, take things away, don’t waiver and most importantly, don’t let him see your emotion, which is a hard one for me.

Although I try to stay calm when things become surprisingly challenging, I know my frustration is written all over my face and to him, this is like adding fuel to the fire. He sees me more upset and listens less, and in some cases he doesn’t even look in my direction. But don’t get me wrong, George is a good, gentle, kind, loving, smart little boy; however, this recent rash of disobedience has me at my wit’s end.

How do I break him of his behavior and nip it in the bud before it gets out of control?

In a search for answers, I literally dusted a book off the shelf that my mom had given me one day, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries by Michele Borba. At the time she gave it to me, I shoved it aside and doubted I would ever open its pages and now, I hope it has the answer, if it could only be that simple. As I flip through the pages, I turn to the Won’t Listen section of the Behavior Chapter of the book and there is a question from a parent that I can totally relate to, “I know my son can hear perfectly well, but whenever I talk, he becomes ’selectively deaf’. I’m tired of telling him again and again what I want him to do. How can my child listen to me?”

Selectively deaf. Sounds familiar.

Sometimes I feel that my voice is like that whistle that only dogs and cats can hear because as I ask him to do things and as my demands get a little louder and more persistent, the only one that goes running is the cat. George just stands there looking at me with that blank stare on his face. I am always joking to my husband that our son is deaf to my voice.

According to Borba, the solution is early intervention. (Let’s hope.) She goes on to suggest, “Identify the reason why your kid doesn’t listen and discover why they tune you out”. My son’s reason would usually be that he’s absorbed in a task, such as playing with his trains, cars, or the ever dreaded video game. Then use Rapid Response, “Get his attention first and then talk. If he’s not looking at you, squat to his level, gently lift his chin and give him a verbal cue”.Instead of yelling, like unfortunately I would result in, she suggests, “You lower you voice,speak slowly and keep it short and to the point. You may also have to get active, taking his arm and guide him gently where you want him to go. But most importantly expect compliance and allow consequences to kick in”.

Borba also suggests developing habits for change. “Teach memory strategies by using the rewind method and having them repeat what you said. Write a note and let the child write a note themselves, use your fingers, have your child use them as a task counter. You may need to rethink your relationship. If your child continues not to listen this may be an issue of non compliance or disrespect”. Let’s hope it doesn’t go there, that’s another chapter for another day, hopefully another year.

My husband seems to think it’s all of the above, he’s testing my limits, not listening, non compliant and at times shows a sliver of disrespect. I don’t even want to turn to the non compliance and disrespect chapters of the book. I didn’t think that would ever be my son’s issues; after all, he’s five. I was hoping those weren’t even in his vocabulary. I admit, I try to do my best but since having a 3rd child, I am just adjusting to the chaos myself and sometimes, unfortunately, I become not so persistent in my requests and have wavered at bit.

But now, Mommy is in full effect. The foot is down, and I need to squash this behavior before it gets out of control. Besides, we don’t want to carry on behaviors from the Ferocious Fives into the Silly Sixes or the Super Sevens. One year at a time.

Danielle is a stay-at-home mom to 3 kids under the age of 6 and writes a blog exploring her journey through motherhood and way beyond. You can find her over at My Life in Jenga. Also, if you live in the South Jersey, Philadelphia area and you are looking for things to do and places to go with the kids, check out her other blog, Get.Out.And.Play.

Lauren’s Post:

When people find out that I’ve written a book (My Teenage Werewolf) starring my own teen daughter – a NONfiction book exploring her world and our stormy relationship –they’re astonished. Then they find out that my daughter Lizzie not only agreed to the book but put up with my 18-month immersion in her world.

She let you do that? they ask, shaking their heads.

Yep. I was Margaret Mead in Middle School, a fixture in her 7th and 8th grade classrooms, with Lizzie as my “native” guide, decoding the place for me, analyzing cliques, making sense of everything from lockerroom dynamics to cafeteria culture.

At home, she introduced me to her online world, coaching me through IMVU, a social networking/ instant messaging site popular with young teens. She taught me how to chat, what questions to ask, what acronyms to use. She gave me a crash course (I crashed) on Halo, a game she plays with great aplomb. I did marginally better – after intense tutoring — with Guitar Hero. She even – and I hesitate to tell you this – allowed me to be a volunteer counselor at her summer camp.

How come? We’re talking about a moody and mercurial teen here (Lizzie was 12 ½ when I started my immersion and 14 when I un-embedded myself), a strong-willed girl who could (and frequently did) freeze me in my tracks with her icy stares. Or, literally, slam the door in my face. Yet she let me into her life.

I think I know why.

And I think that reason is also the reason our relationship is better today. What happened was, I learned a lesson — a strategy, really – that any mother can learn and practice.

Here it is: I empowered her. I put myself in the position of student to her teacher. I told her, almost daily, that she was my “expert,” my tour guide through teendom, my go-to source. Suddenly, after more than a decade of knowing more about almost everything than she did, I knew less – and she loved that. She loved that sense of control, and she relaxed into it. She didn’t feel she had to push back so hard now. She didn’t feel she needed to reject me. In fact, as a teacher – my teacher — she was even-tempered and patient, two qualities almost totally lacking in her usual teen-girl persona. Newly endowed with power, she wielded it gently and with humor. Meanwhile, I worked diligently to listen rather than judge, to respect her knowledge rather than trump it. And so, slowly, we navigated our way out of the stormiest seas.
It’s all about sharing the power. I am not talking about letting go of the parental reins, about an “anything goes” philosophy. I am talking about learning to see and respect the emerging young woman who now lives in my household.

Lizzie’s Post:

When my mom first brought up the idea of writing a book about me, I thought it was lame – and a bit crazy. I mean I’ve gone to her book talks for years, and I’ve seen all these people who read her books, and I just couldn’t imagine that any of them would be interested in reading about the relationship between me and my mom. Kinda private, anyway. But then it hit me. I really didn’t have anything to lose. My school friends already knew my mom and what she did, so the project wasn’t going to be a huge embarrassment or anything. Besides…I’d get to have her on my territory!

Before my mom and I did this book, we didn’t have the best relationship. We were constantly fighting, and we seemed to have very little in common. Like she would be eating salads, and I would be eating cheese pizza, or she would be outside gardening, and I would be inside with an Xbox controller glued to my hand. And of course she wanted me to be doing more of what she was doing and less of what I was doing. Did I say “wanted”? I meant nagged. I think what happened when we were doing the book is that we just began to understand each other better. I realized that my mom, even when she was being really annoying, was actually wanting the best for me. And she realized – or remembered — that when she was my age she wasn’t exactly the perfect daughter either.

Another thing is that my mom spent a lot of time in school classrooms, and now she doesn’t give me crap any more when I come home from school and say I’m tired and had a really hard day. A lot of times when my mom tried to follow me through a 7-period, 7-hour day, she had to leave after 5th period to go get coffee to make it through the rest of the day. So now she has an idea of what I go through every day. On the downside, she did find out what homework I had, so I couldn’t get away with saying I had none or I’d done it all at school.

Anyway, I think we’re better together now than we ever have been. Maybe it’s because I’m older. That’s definitely part of it. But I think it’s also because we learned a lot about each other. I’m glad we did this.

1. Make a scrapbook of your summer highlights.  Dedicate a section to each event – family vacation, July 4^th activities, trips to the pool or beach, etc.  Include pictures and other mementos that will keep that vacation feeling alive in the coming months.
2. Plan a full shopping day for school gear and supplies.  Create lists of everything you need and head to the stores!  Take time to eat lunch together, and allow for a few fun breaks like stopping at your favorite ice cream shop or spending a half hour to browse a local bookstore.
3. Plan a big family night complete with a cookout, roasting marshmallows for s’mores, catching fireflies and playing flashlight tag.  Stage a camp out in the backyard, or pile sleeping bags in the family room, and watch movies until midnight.
4. Play all day.  Once school starts there are often seemingly endless activities after school and on weekends.  Plan one whole day to stay home and relax.  Let your children enjoy playing games, reading books, or riding bikes outside.  Take a break yourself; skip chores for the day, and order takeout for supper.
5. Compile a list of all the things you’d like to do next summer.   Have each family member share their favorite activity from the summer – perhaps participating in a certain camp or attending a local baseball game – and start thinking ahead about what they want to do next summer.  This gives them something to anticipate and can help you begin scheduling events, as well as saving up any needed funds.

Establish some great end-of-summer traditions with your family, and perhaps they’ll even look forward to the end of summer!

Tracey Brewer is mom to two daughters, ages nine and seven, and wife to her college sweetheart.  They  live in coastal South Carolina and enjoy walking on the beach, browsing bookstores, and attending musical productions.  Her blog, Girls to Grow, covers a variety of topics related to Christian parenting, including education, homemaking, saving money and making memories with your children.

I had posted this on my personal blog, but I thought with the summer here and signing our kids up for sports and activities, this would be fitting.

My husband’s sport to play, watch and breathe is baseball.

He played baseball throughout his school years and even now plays on a Sunday Softball League. So when our 5 year old was finally old enough to be signed up for t-ball, you could only imagine my husband’s excitement. And when it came time to hand out uniforms, it warmed my heart to hear him say, “I want to be number 5 like daddy”. Upon sensing George’s excitement to play, my husband enthusiastically signed up to volunteer, and who could imagine,not even himself, that he’d end up being the head coach. He researched drills and coaching practices found on blogs ironically titled, Pray for Rain.

When George, being the youngest 5 year old on the team, took to the grass for his first practice, his age became apparent, swinging the bat like it was a lead weight and running after balls like it was a game of tackle football. And when he took to the field in his first game, what became apparent was his….sense of humor. He burped and joked to the other kids on the bench. His zig-zag run to the bases became a dance of shuffling dirt. The outfield was his own personal sandbox. And his turn up at bat was more like he took stage, and the spotlight was on him. While one of the coaches was giving him pointers and trying to get him to look at the ball, showing him the correct way to hold the bat, his head was turned in the other direction, yelling jokes to his teammates on the bench.

He loved every second of it. And isn’t that the point?

Where we look at sports as a way to nurture dreams, maybe the message is just that, let your kids be kids.

I swam my entire life from the age of 4 until I graduated college. Swimming was and is in my blood. I wanted to be an Olympian and break multiple world records. The walls of my room were adorned with pictures of Mary T, The Albatrosse, and pages I’d update with goal times above my bed, as if the success would come to me in my sleep. Even though I had a couple failed attempts at making the Olympics, I was successful. Swimming took me around the world, provided me with a great education to one of the best schools in the country and provided me with many experiences I carry with me today.

Swimming shaped me into whom I am, as a friend, a wife and a mother.

My dad always recounts my start in swimming, at the age of 5, the same age my son is now, walking down to the pool in the apartment complex so I could learn to swim from the life guard who had “taken me under her wing”.

30 years later,I still remember her face.

He also recounts with vivid description and expressions I’ll never forget, my first experience with earning ribbons and winning and losing. He says throughout my swimming career, especially early on, I was in the moment, enjoying life and enjoying swimming. And he’s right. I can’t recount a lot of the experiences I had in swimming; I remember making great friends, traveling to beautiful places and setting goals. I remember the successes and of course the let downs, but the emotion I get from remembering swimming is as clear as day.

I remember the feeling you get on a Saturday morning, when the air is just right, entering the cool water on the first warm up for a weekend meet.

I remember the smell of chlorine that often hung with me throughout the day.

I remember what it felt like to achieve my goals, what it felt like to have dreams to chase and what it felt like to be involved. I lived and breathed swimming.

I never remember my parents pressuring me. Of course, when I realized swimming was something I wanted to do they encouraged me to stay committed and involved. But I never remember feeling like it was something I HAD to do, it was something I WANTED to do.

They nurtured MY dreams; they didn’t create them for me. They didn’t base MY dreams off their own.

Maybe that’s the key.

When your 5 year old takes the field in a t-ball game, erase images of future Ryan Howards and Shane Victorinos and remember that it is exactly that, your 5 year old taking the field in a t-ball game.

What’s baseball today, may be 7 card Poker tomorrow.

Watch your kids grow and develop.

Watch their interests change and their humorous side come out. Introduce them to new things, and let them become their own being.

And watch what dreams may come.

Danielle is a SAHM to 3 kids under the age of 5. Her personal blog, exploring motherhood and way beyond can be found at My Life in Jenga. She also has a blog that focuses on things to do and places to go, targeting parents in the South Jersey/Philadelphia area and surrounding area; you can find that blog at Get.Out.And.Play.

Defeated by the water fountain, I took my seat and pushed the stroller out of the way. I look over at my 7 month old, who is happily chewing away on his teether and notice there is puke everywhere. Just when you think you’ve got that pesky Acid Reflux under control it shows its persistent face. Where are the wipes? And where is my son? I feel someone kick my leg. My five year old who won’t leave the house without cars, like most people won’t leave without their American Express, has sprawled out across the floor, the dirty doctor’s office waiting room floor, playing cars and developing a “crash ‘em up” dialogue between Disney favorites, King and Lightning McQueen.

My traveling circus has struck again.

I never dreamed of becoming a mom. I don’t even remember thinking of having kids. I swam, and I wrote. My dreams consisted of becoming an Olympic Swimmer or a Journalist and inside the pool and behind the camera, nothing else existed. And then, almost twelve years ago, I met my husband and when I looked into those hazel eyes, my world flipped upside down, and visions of babies and houses with white picket fences danced in my head.

Even when we were married, I still thought even though we wanted to start a family, there was nothing I’d give up for my career and began researching Day Cares. And then reality took its hold, when our first child was born, and he immediately captured my heart. I looked into his dark eyes, obsessively counted his ten fingers and ten toes, and loved the way he felt at home in my arms. I knew I couldn’t leave him with someone else. I wanted to be there for every bumped head, every smile and every first. I wanted to be there for him, like my mom was there for me and my husband’s mom was there for him. And now, five years later after our first born, our family has grown by two more children, and so has the love and the chaos.

Being a stay at home mom to three is everything like I imagined and nothing like I planned. I always expected I’d wear cute maternity clothes, breastfeed each child for at least a year, make my own baby food and I’d never leave the house disheveled. I always imagined I’d have “those” kids. You know the ones. The ones who are perfectly well behaved with every hair in place and every shirt tucked in. The ones that spoke politely to their parents and said ” please” and “thank you” after each sentence and before every demand. The ones that I wonder if they are human.

Now, I’m happy to get some where having showered, calmly and on time, averting major disasters and keeping whispered threats to a minimum. I feel a successful trip is one where I can get in and out before my son displays his cries of desperation that where ever we are is “boring,” and he wants to go home and play with his trains, my daughter talks back for the entire store to hear, and the baby projectile vomits everywhere. I’m happy that my son has an eclectic sense of humor, my daughter has a mind of her own and the baby has a grin that will melt your heart in seconds. I just take it one hour at a time, one day at a time, and one step forward and many times 3 steps back. I try to only plan for the unexpected and throw perfection out the door because God knows, I am far from perfect.

1. Playpens.

When my children were little, they were always in a playpen. They were taken out for a walk in the fresh air or to spend time with Mother and Daddy at certain intervals throughout the day; but all their toys were in that playpen. It was intended to keep them safe.  It’s strange now that experts tell us to let the babies run free and explore, but this is so dangerous and makes a mother exhausted.

If I was in the kitchen cleaning or making supper, I would bring the playpen with me, so I could watch my toddler and talk to her and make her laugh while I worked.

If I was tired and needed a break, I would set up her playpen right beside the couch where I could lay down and she could still reach out to me (or throw toys at me or hit me on the head with a brush!).

The children loved to watch me vacuum while they giggled from the playpen.

Here is the problem – if your baby is not used to a playpen, good luck trying to get them to stay in one! It should be started from day-one. It should be a normal rule. Once that rule is broken, Baby will expect to have all the freedom in the world and will not be content in that safe little playpen.

I want to mention Pilgrim mothers and Colonial mothers. These women cooked over an open fire in their small homes. It would have been fatal to allow a child to roam free. The children were kept in little beds or highchairs and strapped in their seats while Mama worked, for their own safety. Then they were taken out to get the air, or enjoy the sunshine or play with the family; but they knew they had to be in those seats or beds, and they played there, quite content, since they knew no other way.

2. When Baby is sick.

There will be times when all mother can do is rock the child or pace while holding a sick baby. Those are  rough times,  and very little housework will get done. If possible, see if you can get paper plates, paper cups and frozen dinners. Do the best you can to get by until baby is better.

3. Rules for preschoolers.

My children were only allowed in certain rooms. They were not allowed in my kitchen. I hear stories of preschoolers and toddlers getting into the fridge and helping themselves to snacks; but if they are not allowed in there to begin with, this kind of thing will rarely, if ever, happen. These rules have to be enforced from day one. A child will never know what they are missing out on, if they are not allowed to do something in the first place.

I remember when Rachel (now 22) and Nicole (21) were little girls. Rachel was 3, and Nicole was 2. They played in our large living room. One day I was cooking in the kitchen, and then I walked over to the window. I noticed the girls were giggling and having a wonderful time.  They could not see me. Here is what they were doing:

Nicole  had her little foot on the living room rug; but the rest of her body was in the kitchen. She knew she wasn’t allowed in the kitchen, so she kept her foot on that rug! She was throwing a toy to see how far it would go into the kitchen and then giggling while she tried to retrieve it. I watched her do this over and over again, and that little foot of hers never left the living room rug! Believe me, children will find a way to have a good time and keep the rules at the same time!

No food was allowed in the living room. This was also one of our rules. I remember when I had all five children, and we were living in a different home. Amy was 3 years old. She had helped herself to a cracker and then started to walk in the living room. We were all in there sitting and playing. One of the older children scolded her, saying, “Amy!! No food in the living room!” That little darling immediately turned around, threw the cracker back in the kitchen and went on to the living room as if nothing had happened!

4. In the Nursery Stage.

The rules for babies, toddlers and preschoolers should be enforced while they are in the “nursery stage.” When they get older and can be trusted with responsibility, it is time to allow them into the kitchen to help with dishes and cleaning. They will feel grown up and needed if they wait until they reach the age of maturity before being allowed in those “grown up” rooms.  These “big kids” can also help with the younger ones. They will feel so special when they are finally allowed out of the nursery!

Well, my dear ones, I hope you enjoy the time you have with your little treasures. I know they are messy and loud. I know they don’t let you sleep. But do the best you can and leave the rest!

Blessings
Mrs. White

- – - – - – - – - – -
Mrs. White is a wife and homemaker living in an old 1800’s Colonial house in Vermont.
She has five home-schooled children, ages 12, 15, 17, 21 and 22. She has been happily
married for almost a quarter of a century.

Her blog, The Legacy of Home [http://thelegacyofhome.blogspot.com], is designed to
encourage housewives, build strong family relationships, and inspire readers to old-time,
Godly living.

At one time or another, all of us – adults and children alike – need a “swift kick” to get us moving in the right direction.  As parents, it can be helpful to know what motivates our child.  Whether she needs to assist with chores around the house or become more disciplined at practicing the piano regularly, knowing how to increase her desire to accomplish those tasks can make things run more smoothly in our homes.

Listed below are five ideas to use in motivating your child.

1. Affirmation.  We all like to be affirmed – validated in who we are and what we can accomplish.  Verbally communicating to your child how proud you are of her and what she is doing can encourage more of the same behavior.  Note, however, that it should be clear to your child that her performance is in no way tied to your love, which is given unconditionally.  Your affirmation goes above and beyond that and is expressed, in addition to your normal assurances of love and acceptance.
2. Recognition.  While affirmation can be done one on one with your child, recognition is done in the presence of others.  It could be preparing a special family meal in honor of the child or purchasing a family medal to be given to someone who has reached a certain milestone.  If you are dealing with school work, showcase her best papers in a prominent place, or make a copy, and mail it to Grandma.
3. Short and long-term goals.  Younger children do better with short-term goals, while older children may enjoy setting a goal that takes a longer period of time to reach.  Once you have determined the goal, there are a variety of ways to keep track of progress.  Traditional methods such as sticker charts may work; a sticker is given each time a task is completed, and after a predetermined number is reached, a tangible reward is given.  This can be as simple as getting a movie at the library and watching it together, having a family game night, purchasing a small toy, or going on an outing.
4. Privileges.  Bestowing a new privilege on a child can be a great motivator for her.  For example, if she consistently shows herself able to clean up her room and be prepared for bed at the appropriate time, allow her to begin staying up fifteen minutes later.  If she completes her homework on schedule each evening, give her some additional playtime on the weekend.
5. Intrinsic motivation. Help your child devise a plan for accomplishing what she needs to do.  Tailor the plan to her particular strengths and weaknesses.  If she struggles with completing her chores, help her determine the time when she has the most energy for tackling them, and play upbeat music while she works.  After all, teaching our child to be self-motivated is a beneficial like skill and the ultimate goal we are seeking to reach.

Tracey Brewer is mom to two daughters, ages nine and seven, and wife to her college sweetheart.  They  live in coastal South Carolina and enjoy walking on the beach, browsing bookstores, and attending musical productions.  Her blog, Girls to Grow, covers a variety of topics related to Christian parenting, including education, homemaking, saving money and making memories with your children.

Tips for a happily blended family.

Every summer my husband’s two boys spend a few months with us. Everyone gets excited, and the anticipation alone is enough to send the family into a moody spiral of highs and lows. The transition can be difficult for his kids, my kids, and even us adults. By no means am I an expert in making this transition smooth, but I have learned a few things that may help smooth the way for your next kids exchange.

Put personal grudges aside. Depending on the relationship with the exes and the current spouses, things between the adults may be…um…dicey…during the exchange. Just keep your cool and try to get through it as painlessly and quickly as possible. If things are too heated between the exes, then meet on neutral ground, say a restaurant or travel center, or enlist the help of a third party to meet for the exchange. A peaceful kid exchange will help set the tone for the duration of your visitation.

Set the expectations early. Spend the first few days reminding everyone of the house rules. Kids need boundaries but cannot be expected to comply with the rules in your home if you don’t communicate them. I begin casually outlining the house rules on our trip home after picking them up. The earlier the better!!!

Everyone will be moody from time to time. The first few days of our transition usually aren’t very difficult. Things get dicey when the “new” wears off! To help create the Brady Bunch effect, try setting up a space where kids can go for quiet private time. f you have a bedroom for everyone, this spaces works well. If you’re like us and have to share bedrooms, then an enclosed porch, office space, even an over-sized storage room can work. The space doesn’t have to be large, just somewhere they can read a book, play a video game, color, or whatever without someone looking over their shoulder.

Be ready to repeat! You WILL have to repeat yourself more than a few times. Between repeating the house rules to answering the burning question, “When’s dinner?”, it can be unnerving to have to repeat yourself so. many. times. It may help to post the MOST repeated items on a poster or family calendar and point to it when the question comes up! This will save you at one breath or maybe even two! lol

Maintain a regular schedule. For my oldest son, it’s imperative to maintain his regular summer activity schedule,  despite our summer visitors. It provides a sense of stability and security. His world isn’t turned upside down simply because my husband’s children are visiting for a few weeks. While he’s busy with his summer activities, it gives my step sons time to hang out one on one with us! A win-win for everyone.

Flexibility is key to keeping your sanity! Having lots of plans is great, but being a stickler for “the schedule” can cause more stress than it’s worth. If hubby’s kids have seen a movie we planned on taking everyone to see, no worries – we’ll just see another film! One set of kids hate to fish, then hiking we will go! Flexibility will keep everyone in better spirits, reducing those dreaded moody moments!

I hope some of these ideas will help your blended family remain happy, not stirred or shaken!

Jenn is a stay at home southern mom raising her kids in Northwestern Minnesota with her trucker hubby. She loves to cook, craft and blog and soon she’ll be going back to school for a new adventure in Graphic Design. You can find recipes, crafts, parenting strategies, budget tips, product reviews and fabulous giveaways on her blog, Frugal Front Porch.

A few years ago, my dear son (16) Matthew bought me a pretty china set. It included a plate, tea cup, saucer and tea plate. It was a dainty white with tiny blue flowers. I just love it! I still remember standing in the supermarket with him, looking at the display. “Oh, Matthew!” I said with delight, “I just love this!” He gallantly smiled at me and said, “Is that what you want, Mother?” I nodded. “It will be your Mother’s Day present then.” He kindly picked up the box and bought it for me, using his own hard-earned money. My precious son!

Now, whenever the children set the table, they make sure I get my special plate and cup. Very often, when I am having a little break, I will put two mini cupcakes on my tea plate and enjoy them.

One day, Amy (14) got some mini marshmallows. She offered me some. I put them on my little tea plate and sat in my favorite chair. I put the plate beside me and ate in quiet elegance. Nicole (20) walked by and grinned. She then ran and told the others. I could hear her giggling in the other room, “What kind of person eats marshmallows on a plate?!!!” The children are easily amused.

When I visited Rachel (my oldest at 21), we brought some luggage with us and were planning to spend a few days with her. All the children were getting bags. “Mom…. make sure you get one too,” shouted one of the younger ones. Rachel immediately corrected her sibling, in her nonchalant way. “No, Mom’s a guest. She doesn’t have to do anything.” (gentle smiles)

All my dear children have this sense of duty about their beloved mother. They all take care of me. This is probably from years of seeing me ill with cancer and such things. They know I am frail so they are used to honoring and blessing me in these sweet little ways.

What fun we have with our children. They are so precious.

Blessings
Mrs. White
The Legacy of Home

Our children are seriously watching every move we make.  I can say from personal experience that out of the corner of my eye, I’ve seen my children watching me, both when I was doing the right thing and when doing the not so right thing.  They’re with me in my car, at the store, at home when I’m on the phone, when “discussing” things with my husband, etc.  They’re with me allllllll of the time, good and bad.  So, who are they going to model?  Oy, and I’ll just be downright honest here.  There are times that I regret what I said or did.  The ripple effects of those negative situations can have far-reaching effects on our children.

HOWEVER, the point I’m trying to make in a roundabout way is that our positive actions and words can have ripple effects too.  Just as a kind word can make someone else’s day, a kind word to our children can outlast anything else that we say or do.  Treating them kindly, treating other people kindly in front of them, will have ripple effects in their hearts and minds for years to come.  If we want to raise our children to truly be caring, kind individuals who treat others as they wish to be treated, then we’ve got to set the example and start that positive ripple right now.  Little eyes are watching, and little ears are hearing.  It’s hard to comprehend, but just one simple act of kindness now can have such far-reaching effects with our children, that someday, down the road, at some point in their lives, they may look back and remember, and because of the positive impact we made on their young hearts….they may, in turn, produce an act of kindness, and a positive change in someone else’s life may begin to blossom…..

All this to say, kindness is a key ingredient to lives changed…..one simple act of kindness can have a positive ripple effect not only in the lives of others, but in the lives of our children….and thus, in the lives of countless others whom they come in contact with.  It’s truly a cycle.  Be safe, and be kind, mamas!

Vampire Diaries

Synopsis

Elena is a typical teenager that runs the popular crowd in high school. A bit spoiled and the leader of her pack, she’s used to getting what she wants.

Enter, Stefan. He resists Elena, which of course, makes her want him even more. When she does finally win him, she gets so much more than she bargained for. Thus, begins a life of otherwordly dark drama and horror -  because, as the book suggests, Stefan is a vampire.

Stefan is attempting to live a regular life, relying “only” on the blood of animals instead of the blood of humans. He simply wants to be “normal”.  Normal can’t happen for a vampire however, especially when the vampire has an evil brother. Damon is driven by revenge for his brother because of a woman, who centuries earlier played both against each other.

Because Damon uses humans for blood, he has an evil power that has the ability to overtake Stefan as well as the ability to make Elena desire him more than Stefan. Damon has no qualms about using this power and the battle this creates, both between the brothers, as well as within Elena’s soul, is what the book revolves around.

Negative Elements:

There are so  many I hardly know where to start. This is a dark series that I found deeply disturbing, especially since it is geared towards teen girls. With a dark, evil sensuality and sexuality, not to mention the violence, I struggle with downright anger that there are Christians getting into such things! It not only personifies evil, it gives it more credit to it than it ever deserves by calling it The Power. There is dark seduction throughout that is reminiscent of satan’s seductive power and false promises of eternal life.

“It’s the ultimate secret Elena,” he said, His voice was as caressing as the fingertips at her throat. “You’ll be happy as never before. . . “  (Book 2)

The sexual overtones as Stefan drinks Elena’s blood and Elena drinks Stefan’s is nauseatingly disturbing, as it blends evil with sex.

She was drowning in it, both the joy she sensed in Stefan and the delicious answering surge in herself. Stefan’s love bathed her, shone through her, lighting every dark place in her soul like the sun. She trembled with pleasure, with love, with longing.  (Book 1)

In addition to what I have mentioned above, there are seances, an attempted date-rape, several murders (I guess this is a given when the book is about vampires), and glimpses into the future via visions and trances.

The vulgar languages is minimal compared to other books I have read.

Positive Elements:

Not one positive element. If there was, the dark evil overcame it.

Conclusion

This series has blood, gore, violence, the demonic, the sexual, the dark, and the deeply disturbing in it. It glorifies evil and while sending shivers down one’s spine, also somehow romanticizes it at the same time, alluring teens to the dark side of vampires and satan’s power. This disturbs me as a parent and this disturbs me as a Christian.

Because the first two books were so disturbing I can not even finish the last two in the series. I simply can not subject myself to anymore of this darkness and am saddened that God’s children do every day, for pleasure and entertainment purposes! This series screams anti-God and the light, beauty, purity, and holiness He asks us to live out as His children.

I give this book a one star rating (which is frankly, one star more, than it deserves) *

*Our Rating System

Discussion Questions:

• Why do you think these vampire themed books have become so popular, not only with teens but adult women and even Christians?
• Do you think, as  Christian, it is ok to read these type of books? Why, or why not? Are you able to say this, even when taking verses such as “Be ye holy as I am holy” (I Peter 1:16) and “Thinking on those things that are good, lovely, profitable, etc” (Phil. 4:8), and “Do all things in such a way as to say, God, this is for you!” (I Cor. 10:31), into consideration?

We’ve started using workboxes this week, and I’ve even included our toddler. I can’t tell you the difference this has made. It has given me time with him that I didn’t have before. Jacob is working more independently on certain subjects, and it gives me the one on one time that I need with Jaden. This one on one time is part of intentional parenting. As busy parents trying to work, keep up with household responsibilities, outside responsibilities, etc., it can be hard to determine ways that we can be intentional or purposeful with our kids. It doesn’t have to be, though. I prefer to think of this in terms of quality over quantity, because you see, it doesn’t matter whether you spend hours or minutes doing something with your children….it’s the quality of that time that matters. Here are some steps to guide you in your quest to become an intentional parent:

• Take time each day to talk with each child.  Simple conversation means a great deal to our children, as sometimes they just crave conversation; it helps them to know that they are an important person in your life.  Whether you’re driving in the car, eating supper, putting them to bed, or wherever, find times to have conversation with your children.  This can be a learning opportunity, even for younger children, as they’re developing speech skills, and hearing only helps them more.
• Turn off the tv, unplug from the world for a while, even if for an hour….get down on the floor with your children.  Play with them at their pace, their rules.
• Find activities for your children to do, even your youngest.  There are so many ideas online for crafts you can do, books you can read, things you can do, even with the simplest of things you have laying around your house.  Let your toddler explore with watercolors.  Teach him how to string beads onto something; yesterday, we used an idea from TOTSchool, by stringing beads onto a pipe cleaner.  These simple activities can lead to a lifetime of learning.  If your kids are older, show them that Mom can have fun too; again, be involved in things they like to do.  For instance, challenge them to a game of Guitar Hero….after all, moms can rock on with the best of them.:)
• Read to your children.  Read them Bible stories, hero stories, adventure stories, etc.  Introduce them to the amazing world of books early on.  They will love it, and this will grow to be an important part of your family bonding time.
• Make it a point to sit down and have a family movie night.  Right now, we’re introducing the kids, over time, to a lot of the older Disney movies.  So far, we’ve watched movies like Snow White, The Sword in the Stone, The Love Bug, No Deposit No Return, etc.
• Have family devotions.  Even if you pray with your children each day and read just one verse with them, make it a point to do this on a daily basis.  Guide your children, and teach them your beliefs….why you believe what you believe.  Guide them to make right choices.
• Be real with your children, though….they can read right through adults in a flash and a wink.
• If you’re tempted to say, “Hush for just a little while,” or “I’ll play with you in a minute,” try doing just the opposite, at least once every day….pretty soon the opposite will become habit instead of “Wait just a little while.”
• Get outdoors with your children when the sun is shining.  There are plenty of free activities around our area; I’m sure there are, anywhere you go….take them hiking, swimming, fishing, to the library, or even take them down to the local Sonic (or whatever you might have) for a slushie on a hot day.
• Get your children involved in ministry; take them with you if you’re serving somewhere for a day, whether it’s a soup kitchen, church activity, etc.  If possible, get them involved.
• Pray for your children, as this can be one of the most intentional things you will ever do as a parent.

Most of all, just BE with your kids….just BE.  Be in the moment….be focused on them….be intentional.  Find encouragement along the way by connecting with other like-minded parents.

To read more from Mel, visit her personal blog on Real Heart Prints.

Before I was a mom, I….

• wore dry-clean-only clothes
• put on makeup every day
• went to lunch at restaurants with fancy-sounding names
• ate slowly and savored my food
• could fit everything for a weekend trip into a small corner of the trunk
• did minor amounts of laundry
• could shop all day
• had clean, non-fingerprinted glass doors and windows
• knew all there was to know about parenting
• thought time passed slowly
• prayed repeatedly, asking God to give me a child

Before I was a mom, I never….

• shopped at Gymboree or The Children’s Place
• ate at Chuck E. Cheese
• knew the location of every restroom in stores I frequent
• looked for restaurants that offer “Kids Eat Free” night
• tiptoed through the house
• took so many pictures
• realized how much diapers, bicycles and piano lessons cost
• understood the joy that came from a spontaneous kiss and an “I love you” before my child dashed off to play
• feared so many evils in the world
• saw myself, complete with good traits and bad, reflected before my eyes
• felt such a responsibility toward another human being
• knew how grateful I would be for God’s precious gift of children