I’d love to talk to Mark Schultz’s wife. I probably never will, seeing he’s famous and she probably won’t even get my message, but it was worth a try to contact her through his site.

It has nothing to do with him being a famous Christian singer. It has everything to do with her heart.

Three years ago, around the same time I fully and completely surrendered to God ever having biological children by telling our RE were weren’t going to pursue IUI, my husband and I were hit with the reality that there are children who need a forever home – - and we may be the couple to give that to them.

We actually began foster training classes in the winter of 2007. Two weeks after they started, they were canceled. Everyone had dropped out, except us, and they wouldn’t run them with just one couple. I was so sad. I couldn’t even become a foster mom!

Then, I was pregnant. But that’s another story for another day.

A few months after this, I stood at my window, cradling my pregnant belly and thinking of my coming baby. Loving her. Talking to her. And thanking God for her health.

It hit me then. Not all babies are born healthy. Some are born with AIDS. Some have diseases like Progeria that will take their life early. Some get leukemia as toddlers. And some of these terminally ill babies and children are in the foster care system. I knew in that moment, I wanted to be the mom they needed as they died.

This wasn’t entirely random. I had worked as a CNA for Hospice for five years and had found my gifting – - being with people as they died.

Death to me is not creepy or scary–though it can be a painful event. It is a passage. Just as birth is. I love attending births and I am gifted at being at deaths. Both events, at opposite ends of the life spectrum, are sacred, spiritual moments in which time seems to hang in the balance for a few seconds. God has created me to be a person who has a gifting for being at both. I used to find it odd and even used to be embarrassed by it. Now, I have accepted that is who I am created to be.

Which brings me full circle to terminally ill children. I knew in my heart that Fall day, staring out the window at dying leaves drifting down, that I was supposed to be the mom terminally ill children needed as they died. I needed to give them a piece of heaven on earth before they got to heaven.

My husband got tears in his eyes when I told him what I wanted to do, was silent for a few moments, and then simply said, ” I support you in this. You’re right, these kids would need us.”

Even though we were blessed with our miracle, this desire has never left my heart. I don’t know how God is going to have it unfold for us, but I know He is. It’s simply a matter of time.

Sunday, on the radio, I heard Mark Schultz being interviewed about a song he wrote, “What it Means to be Loved”. The song came about because his wife has the same desire I do – - to give a home to dying children. The reasons Mark’s wife gave him for adopting these kind of children, were almost the exact reasons I gave my husband the day I told him about it. My heart instantly connected to hers, even though it wasn’t even her talking. I had found someone who understood!

I so long to talk to her. To ask her about her journey. Most people I have ventured to share this with act very uncomfortable and can’t imagine why in the world I would take a child into my home that will die. I don’t talk about it much. People are almost rude about it and it hurts my heart. As if my deepest heart is getting trampled on.

Others don’t know what to say. Still others tell me I have no clue what I’m asking for.

Only a very few have heard my heart and offered supportive statements.

Although I realize I may never hear from this woman, at least hearing there is another heart like mine out in the world, helps me keep dreaming my dreams and waiting for the day our forever children fill our home – -the children that will be with us briefly on earth but eternally in heaven.

What it Means to be Loved by Mark Schultz

For five months and eight days
my wife and I had waited
Gettin’ ready for our baby girl
But when he called
the doctor said
I need to see you
and could you come in soon
then something died inside of me
to sit with him and hear the tests
that said our baby may not live to be a year

then turnin’ to my wife and he said
“whata you wanna do?”
and she said…

I wanna give her the world
I wanna hold her hand
I wanna be her mom for as long as I can
and I wanna live every moment
until that day comes
I wanna show her what it means to be loved

so we spent each day,
watchin’ every minute
and prayin’ for our baby girl
and I will not forget the way I felt that moment
when she came into this world
but they took her from the room
just as soon as she was born
and watchin’ through a window I
could see her holdin’ on
when a voice inside me said…

I wanna give her the world
I wanna be her dad
I wanna hold her close for as long as I can
and I wanna live every moment until that day comes
I wanna show her what it means to be loved

I said everyday we’ve got to bring her home
she’s been out to prove the doctors wrong
oh and you should see her now she’s as pretty as her mom
and theres a boy at the front door
waiting just to take her to her high school prom…

and he wants to give her the world
wants to hold her hand
and someday she may get a wedding band
but she’s gunna live every moment until that day comes
and we’re gunna show her what it means to be loved

Oh yeah (what it means to be loved)
show her what it means to be loved
what it means to be loved