marriage matters

Not Withholding The Good Things

Having productive boundaries in a marriage is a good thing. They work to keep both husband and wife on the same page. Healthy boundaries would include couples agreeing not to spend over a designated dollar amount from the bank account without first discussing it with one another. A boundary such as this builds trust and protects the stability of a couple’s finances. This boundary also works towards maintaining order within your budget.

However, we must be watchful for some boundaries. There are negative boundaries that do not build, but rather tear down the stability of a marriage. The boundaries I am referring to are set up within our hearts and minds. They are the secret boundaries, the ones that we have not discussed with our spouses. Some of the most common are pertaining to things we have determined that we will not do for our spouses. Some of the most common I hear are:

1.Wives who refuse to cook meals for their husbands on a consistent basis.

2.Wives who refuse to be intimate with their spouses simply because they do not feel like it.

3.Wives who refuse to get dressed up like they did when they were pursuing each other.

While there are many other unproductive boundaries, these are the most damaging ones that I have heard. The point I would like to make in regard to this topic is very simple. For every thing you refuse to do, there is a at least ten other women who would gladly to those things for your husband. As a Proverbs 31 wife we have a very specific verse that encourages us not to think on the things we won’t do for our spouses but to edify those GOOD things we will do.

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31:12

As Christian wives we have a standard that compels us to seek to do what is good for our husbands at all times. As wives, when we begin to withhold ourselves from our husbands in any way we run the risk of creating a void within him. There are basic needs that our spouses have that only we can properly meet. Our job as wives, if we so choose to accept, is to SERVE or meet our husband’s needs. And I know that a small number of you will have a problem with serving, but WHEN YOU LOVE YOUR HUSBAND and understand God’s Holy Word, your heart changes when you think about what it means to serve.

So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her. Genesis 29:20

Let me talk a little bit about the void that it creates within a husband when a wife refuses to meet his needs. The void changes the way he interacts with people. It can make him angry, cynical about marriage, depressed and distant. I believe that he will intentionally or unintentionally seek out ways to have those needs met. This is one of the reasons we have such a high rate of divorce, infidelity, alcoholism and addiction to pornography. As a man dealing with a wife that refuses to serve, he can do something positive in response to this situation. Husbands should be praying for their wives to have a surrendered heart, first to God and secondly to himself. He should pray that she learns to trust and understand God’s Word. He should also pray that every stronghold that leads his wife to believe that God’s plan for submission is oppressive, be destroyed.

If we are Bible believing women of God and still think that serving is for the weak, we have completely missed the point of our savior’s death and resurrection.

For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. Mark 10:45

Just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many. Matthew 20:28

If serving was and is good enough for our Lord and Savior then should it not be an honorable position for us as wives to fulfill?

It is my great honor to serve God and my husband. I LOVE them both and enjoy the opportunity to serve them. In regards to my husband, I pray diligently for God’s direction in regards to meeting my husband’s needs. As a stay at home wife, it is my pleasure to prepare home cooked or semi-home cooked meals for him as often as I possibly can. It is my great pleasure to strap on a pair of stilettos and a modest calf length dress that appeals to him. I am not above looking my best for him and treating him the very best that I can.

I challenge you to begin taking down the unproductive boundaries in your marriage. It will not only be a blessing to your husband, but it will bless you as well.

Was this post as good for you as it was for me? If so, you can read more encouraging messages like this at AProverbsWife.com.

The Busy Couple’s Guide to Sharing the Work and the Joy by Kathy Peel

The Busy Couple’s Guide to Sharing the Work and the Joy by Kathy Peel
Publisher: Tyndale House
Price: Softcover $16.99

Author Bio (from Tyndale Site)

Kathy Peel is founder and CEO of Family Manager, a company that trains women in the art of family management. She has written 21 books, selling more than 2 million copies. Her latest works are The Busy Mom’s Guide to a Happy, Organized Home (winner of the 2009 Gold Mom’s Choice Award) and Desperate Households. She is AOL’s Kids & Family Coach, and she contributes to many publications, including FamilyFun, Parents, Woman’s World, Family Circle, and HomeLife. A popular speaker and media personality, Kathy’s Family Manager makeover stories have appeared on programs such as Oprah, The Early Show, The Today Show, and HGTV.

Mel’s Thoughts:

The Busy Couple’s Guide to Sharing the Work and the Joy by Kathy Peel is a guidebook for couples to find Smart Solutions to Dozens of Household Dilemmas Couples Face Every Day.Ã‚Â Bill Peel has also shared tidbits of advice for the men in our lives.Ã‚Â I really thought that this book was going to be all about 50-50 relationships and how to make them work, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.Ã‚Â In fact, the author basically implies that 50-50 relationships just aren’t doable in the long run and can, in fact, lead to the demise of a marriage.Ã‚Â As the book runs through duties and tasks that married couples face, it touches on several subjects.Ã‚Â Here are the main topics you will encounter in this book.

Introduction: Getting from Me to We
The Business of Doing Family
Managing Your Time and Schedule
Managing Your Home and Property
Managing Menus and Meals
Managing Relationships with Family and Friends
Managing Your Finances
Managing Special Events
Managing Yourself
Family Team-Building Workshop

Throughout each chapter are boxes of info, inluding questions and answers that one might ask, worksheets that couples can use to work through difficult topics of conversation (ones that usually lead to arguing), planning worksheets, etc.Ã‚Â There are also quotes, cautions, and great facts in the sidebars on each page.

Personally, I love organizing; I love reading books about organizing and household management, especially books written by Christian authors.Ã‚Â So, for me, this book is very useful in my everyday life.Ã‚Â I especially appreciate the chapter on finances, as that is a subject that Dan and I are working on tackling, trying to be more organized and figure out better ways to stay on track of them, as well as get out of debt.Ã‚Â With worksheets and guides to help any couple work through their financial plans, as well as advice on giving and frugality, this chapter is a good read.

For the more experienced couple, this book might be a good read, but if they have things down pat and are already set in their ways and happy with the way things are, then this book might be less exciting.Ã‚Â I do recommend this book, however, for newlyweds especially, and for those who are trying to get a handle on things but just can’t quite figure things out yet.Ã‚Â Even if one thing that Kathy Peel has to say helps you, then it’s worth the read.Ã‚Â You can purchase this book from Tyndale for $16.99.

Melissa J’s Thoughts

The Busy Couple’s Guide to Sharing the Work and the Joy delivers what it says it will: smart solutions to dozens of household dilemmas couples face every day. If something is an issue in your household and marriage, chances are, Kathy has addressed it in her book.

Chapters are more than just solid, plain text reading. Kathy has inserted marginal notes like “Good to Know”, “Smart Move”, “Caution”, and “From the Heart”. Also, her husband inserts a man’s thoughts into each chapter with “A Man’s Point of View” which will prove beneficial since my guess is, the majority of readers of this book will be women.

Each chapter is wrapped up with hands on assignments, from checklists to charts that list “his normal”, “her normal”, and then aid in creating a “new normal” blending the two together.

Drawbacks:

As a detailed, scheduled person, this book really didn’t teach me anything new. I’m already doing this stuff. To a personality like mine, this seems like common sense stuff. That said, I realize not everyone is a personality like mine, and on the flip side, there are many who will benefit from a book like this.

My husband also, is not a man who will sit down for all the assignment discussions and I realize many other men won’t want to either. It seems idealistic to buy the book and picture heart to heart conversations for all nine chapters of the book. In many marriages (mine) that just isn’t realistic.Ã‚Â Instead, many wives may find themselves reading it and then forming and adjusting their lifestyle, not via heart-to-heart talks and negotiations, but instead, in their own unique ways that their family will get.

Summed up? If you’re already living an organized life, both personally and family wise, this book won’t give you much else to add to that lifestyle. If your life and family are in total disarray and disorder, however,Ã‚Â then this book will be a great roadmap for pulling it all together.